Listen… no, really listen

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant” — Robert McCloskey

Pretty apt that this quote comes from a children’s author, I think. You see so many parents pleading with their children to listen, but it’s a skill that we should plead with people of all ages to improve.

I’ve just come out of yet another meeting where there was an opportunity nearly missed because people weren’t listening to each other. They heard what was said, and then replied based on what they thought was meant. And it’s so rare for someone to then clarify and seek an answer to the question they actually asked.

I’m not talking about the deliberate obfuscation employed by those who wish to avoid answering a difficult question or giving an answer that can later be used against them (politicians anyone?). No, this is about the far more simple case of someone not listening properly, hearing what they want to hear and responding accordingly.

Really listening is a skill in the sense that it is an ability. Some people, rare cases, are naturally adept at listening. Everyone has the potential to improve their listening skills. And there are so many benefits to employing good listening skills.

Clarity — if everyone really understands the same, they are far more likely to act in alignment

Efficiency — things can get done so much more quickly when people understand what needs to happen

Relationships — when you really listen to someone you will understand them much more as a person. And they’ll also appreciate the attention!

So what does it take to really listen to someone? A few simple actions, certainly nothing that everyone doesn’t already possess:

Focus — look at the speaker with plenty of eye contact

Concentrate — really focus on what they are saying, rather than preparing your shopping list

Wait — let the speaker finish, even if you’ve got a brilliant point

Clarify — check that you’ve understood, ask a pertinent questions

Feedback — this is more about non-verbal communication: nodding, smiling, frowning… as long as it’s appropriate!

Active listening is a skill that will help everyone throughout their life, not just in a business context.